Things You Can Only Say in Kenya

There are some things I won't be able to take back home with me:
1) "Wanna go to a hotel?" Hotels here are little little restaurants, usually equipped with just a wooden table and wooden benches that serve tea and little foods. People usually go here before work, and frequent them throughout the day. Knowing this, it's still funny when you lean over to your coworker and in a whisper ask, "Wanna go to a hotel?"
2) "I need to buy a rock." Why on earth would anyone buy a rock? To eat it, of course. Yeah, they eat rocks here. Edible rocks, of course. They're so soft, you can break them, but they taste like dirt!
3) "Did we blow up the VCR?" Apparently, you need a transformer and apparently it's not the big box sitting on my floor that everything else is hooked up to.
4) "Wow, you're looking fat!" I will NEVER utter this in the States.
5) "Then the monkeys interrupted my lesson." And it was going to be a good one! We were at the park here, and I had to teach the girls just a 15 minute lesson on their worth, but the monkeys came, after our snacks, and after the third try to get back on track, I called it off. Stupid monkeys!!
6) "As long as I don't see its head." For celebrations, we usually have goat. Freshly slaughtered. So this phrase is often said here, by mzungus and Kenyans alike.
7) "My name is finished." My name, Melissa, sounds like the word meliza, which means "finished." So when I introduce myself, I say, "My name is 'finished.'"
A brief glimpse into the Kenya-restricted sayings of my life.